Faking It To Fit In
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- 12/30/2009 |
- 10:00 am
We'll change her name to keep her anonymous, and call her Amanda. She's 14-years-old, enjoys sports, likes to read, and loves music. Amanda is a typical teenager in many ways, with several friends that she hangs out with, talking about school, about boys, and often about celebrities.
What I found interesting, however, was the real Amanda that she disguises in order to fit in with the social circle. When I talked with her, away from her friends, I discovered that a lot of the music she listened to in front of those friends actually held no interest for her whatsoever. For that matter, she admitted that she claimed to like certain celebrities because - and these are her words - 'œa lot of kids at school like them.'쳌
Wow. Amanda actually pretends to like some music and some celebrities only because a few of her friends do. A couple of these stars are 'œstupid,'쳌 she told me. So why, I asked, do you follow them? 'œThey're popular,'쳌 she said.
Listen, Amanda is not the first teenager who goes along to get along. She's not the first teenager who bases some of her decisions on the tide of popularity. Often the thinking is: If everyone else likes this, I should, too. Or - even worse - there must be something wrong with me if I don't like it.
For many young adults, this herd mentality will begin to fade by either the late teens or early 20s, when suddenly it's not as important to blend in with everyone else. At some point a young person will realize that it's just not that important to follow the crowd every time.
I casually asked Amanda what music she enjoyed. She actually seemed embarrassed to admit what she liked, as if it stained her somehow.
I'll tell you the same thing I told her: You're not a sheep. If you think a particular movie is garbage, you don't have to pretend to like it just because your friends do. The same with music. And, most especially, with 'œstars.'쳌 In fact, I would hope you make celebrities earn your respect. Don't join the bandwagon just because others do. Support the artists and entertainers who you truly respect and enjoy. You don't owe allegiance to any celebrity.
Keep your standards high, but, more importantly, make sure they're your standards, not someone else's.
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Shawnea P.
November 2, 2010 6:04 am
This is really good advise. I have met people that do the same thing that Amanda does it makes me feel sad about why anyone has to change to be liked. I really think this speaks out to anyone that feels like they neewd to be popular to fit in but really you just need to be your self. So to close out i just need to say that this isa very good article. -
sepel
November 2, 2010 6:04 am
i think that it is dumb that she will not express her own opinions about things her friends like -
Maddie H
November 3, 2010 6:04 am
I agree you shouldn't have to pretend to be someone your not. I think Amanda shouldn't be afraid to show her real self she is only 14 she can start to be her real self. People should like her for who she is not for the fake Amanda so she should stop not being herself. If her friends don't like the real Amanda then they aren't really her friends and she could find that care for her. Amanda should just give up the fake act and just start being her true self and her life will be so much better. -
Garrett Devine
November 3, 2010 6:04 am
I like this piece and are wondering why this is a problem. If everyone would just be themselves then they would have diffrent freinds and would be happier. This is not a problem for me or my freinds we all tell each other if we do like or dont like somthing. I think this connects to the harrasments that lead to suicide. I wish kids wouldnt do this. -
JennerJ
November 3, 2010 6:04 am
This article is odd because in my school you just need to basically be yourself. You can like some of the same things as them and you do tell them, they won't really care. They shouldn't hate you, so be yourself. You dont need to be popular, you don't need to be labeled. Most importantly, be yourself.
